Exposed

After a long, tiring week, it was finally the weekend again. It was a relaxing Sunday evening, and I was sitting beside the window with a cup of strong coffee – alone. The cool evening breeze was taking away the lingering sensation of heat emitting from the ground. I just laid back in comfortable position and just then my inner conscious (I name it X, always) started a conversation…..

• Enjoying the evening Nemo?
• Yes… At least trying..
• You are not happy Nemo?
• Why should I X? What has happened so amusing lately?
• You look disheartened for some reason.. Why Nemo?
• I…. Well, I feel vulnerable X – seems I got no place to hide.
• But why do you want to hide?
• I am afraid to be exposed… You know, I never want to show anyone who I am in true sense. But there are situations where you can’t always control yourself.
• You feel insecure?
• Yeah.. It seems that exposing my real character may get me in trouble..
• Such as?
• Every person has got some weaknesses, so have I. And I don’t think making weaknesses public is a right thing to do. Not every people around you are nice, right?
• Look Nemo, you are a human being right? Don’t expect you will behave like a programmed robot, even if you think to do so !!
• Yes, I understand. But you know, I put up a cold, stone-like character outside but I am an emotional fellow inside. When someone succeeds to melt my heart, my defense breaks. And I have suffered a heavy blow once for that – pretty badly. That scar will never heal.
• I understand and empathize with you Nemo… But frankly, do you think you can live your whole life under cover?
• No.. Probably not… But I try? Shouldn’t I? But you know X this “putting up a poker face” pains my heart..
• True… But frankly, logically, I myself can’t suggest a better way out for this. You got one way out though – write.
• That’s what I am doing now, X… It gives me exposure to vent my feelings, but lets me stay under cover as well… I don’t know if this is a weakness, but I can’t help it..
• …..
• X?
• Yeah… I guess I can’t suggest you a better way out.. Because sometimes the boring brain has got to be paid attention as well, setting aside the heart…. Sigh..

Exposed